Have you ever wondered why so many people have a “Family Secret”? As people start to open up to me and I too them; I’m beginning to realize that these “secrets” are not so secret after all. I believe that if we as a people would just begin to open up and trust one another; we’d realize that we have much more in common than we had ever imagined.
As I share my story with people; I find that it doesn’t matter where you are from, where you grew up, or even where you plan to go; you can be sure that someone else in the world can completely identify with you and understands your struggle, pain, or grief; because they have a secret too.
Which brings me to the question at hand; and I’d really like to hear your opinion please. The question is. If “others overcome by the words of our testimony” then why are we so reluctant to share? Is that just plain selfishness or is it fear?
I leave you with this thought of my own: “Family Secrets” actually “SECRETS” period; ARE DEADLY.
What do you think?
Tags: family secrets, share
Posted in Question: | No Comments »
Posted on 26 October '09 by admin, under Question:. No Comments.
If I don’t tell him/her about past love affairs, is that a secret?
Ultimately the decision to disclose past love affairs with one’s spouse depends on the couple in question. One or both adults may be too prude to want to have a discussion of this nature. I used to think that having this discussion with one spouse would be good, but uhhh NOPE…
When I got married more than a decade ago, I was sure that I had married the love of my life. In my eyes my husband was and is my knight in shining armor. Therefore, I knew that in order for our relationship to continually grow and flourish, I needed to give it the best chance for growth that I could. For me that meant that I had to rid myself of the guilt I held on to due to past discrepancy on my part when we were dating. So, I told him about every guy that I’d gone on a date with, slept with, or even considered sleeping with. Surely the conversation was difficult and uncomfortable at times, especially when he began to ask me questions that he had been hiding in his heart. Questions like “when did that happen?” and “where was I?” even worse, “where were the kids?” All of that followed by the occasional looks of shock and disappointment.
The discomfort was temporary and would have been worth it if this was a discussion that I had had prior to marriage. I found that telling him about my past love affairs worked for me because it released me from the guilt that I had and I was no longer consumed by my need to know every detail of his past. But, I think that he would have been just fine having not known. That day, we decided that whatever happened prior to or marriage, was “the past” and we move forward into our future and thankfully guilt, shame, fears, and distrust does not live in our marriage; freedom does. But, if I could have a redo, that information is something I would have share before we said, “I Do”…
I think that my desire to “come clean” was a result of holding on to the secrets of abuse. The secrets of my childhood had distorted my views and my ability to determine what parts of my life were “secrets” and what was just details of the “life” I had chosen to live. Through this experience I learned that “everything” is not a secret. And that just because there are things about me that he didn’t know, doesn’t make me a liar or a keeper of secrets; especially if he never asked. That’s my opinion. What’s yours?
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Posted on 6 April '12 by admin, under Uncategorized. No Comments.
Secret Survivor (Her-Story) is about a young girl who grew up with a distorted view on love brought on by the wicked intentions of the males in her life. For nearly a decade she found herself trying to figure out how to survive in a world of sexual perversion. Even when she tries to escape her situation at home, she finds out that it wasn’t just her family who couldn’t be trusted. Being exposed to sex at such an impressionable period in her life caused rebellion. This led her into a life of promiscuity, confusion, and poor choices. It was not until she became an adult that she realized that her past did not dictate her future.
(Click below to view the trailer)
Secret Survivor (Her-Story) Trailer
Who is your favorite character?
My favorite character is Jeff. He taught Lorraine a lesson on love that she would pass on to her own children. That lesson would stick with her for a lifetime.
Are your characters based on real people?
Yes, all of them.
What was your inspiration for the story?
That’s easy. I was Lorraine.
Website: www.authortebest.com
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Posted on 6 April '12 by admin, under Articles, Uncategorized. No Comments.
Relief came only as I kept reminding myself that if anyone should be ashamed, it was my abusers– not me. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I slowly began to realize that I was punishing myself for being the victim. I had to relieve myself of the guilt and shame of my past. I had to leave the past where it belonged: in the past, in order to stake claim on my future.
So, how exactly does one do that? I’ll tell you what I did, and I am convinced that if you would do the same, you can experience relief, as well. As I struggled to find happiness and joy in my life, I came to understand that moving past the guilt and the shame meant that I would have to accept what had happened to me. I had to come out of the dungeon of denial. I still had more to get out of me–the confession to my mother and that day when she confronted Jonathan were only the beginning steps on a long path to recovery, a journey I became determined to make. I started dealing with what had really happened to me. I started facing my past–my accuser. I started recording every ugly detail of what had happened. Everything that I could remember, I wrote down: who did what, where, when, and how. Writing it all down was painful and disgusting, and more than once I wanted to quit and not do it because it forced me to dredge up more than a decade of pain. I shared some of that pain in Secret Survivor (Her-story) because I believe that the Lord has sent me to you to tell you my story and show you how to recover. I’m not saying you need to go out and write a book, but you have a story to tell and you need to tell it. You have a story worth telling because YOU are worthwhile. The Lord has sent me to tell you to, “Get a journal! This journal is only to be used for the purpose of recording everything about your abuse that you can remember. Be purposeful in your writings. Don’t leave out a single detail. Tell your story–get it OUT of you, even if you never show it to anyone else.
Tags: abuse, family, freedom, shame
Posted in Excerpts From Reigning After The Rain | No Comments »
There are so many people who have survived being abused, but they are still hurting. Being a survivor I know all too well the struggle one goes through to overcome the past. We remember the abuse with all of our senses; smell, touch, sight and sometimes even taste. Watching television can sometimes be challenging. But, I want you to know that “you are not alone”. My heartfelt prayers go out to all of my fellow survivors. Know that I am dedicated in my efforts to bring awareness to the injustice being done in our communities. I like many; I too kept silent during the years of abuse I endured. But I am silent NO MORE!!!
Tags: freedom, speaking out, tell
Posted in My Thoughts | 1 Comment »
Posted on 22 February '12 by admin, under My Thoughts. 1 Comment.
At time it may seem difficult to get over your past, especially when it seems as though you cannot escape the people that you so desperately wish that you could leave behind. There are a few simple solutions to this problem. The top solution is: you must learn to leave the past behind you. It may seem hard when some of the people who have hurt you the most are family. I have found comfort in knowing that, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven..”(Ecc. 3:1)ESV
It is time to let the past be just that, “the past”. There comes a time when you must simply let some people, places and things go in order to move forward into a season of peace and rest. Letting go of people does not mean that you have not forgiven them nor does it mean that they themselves have not asked God for forgiveness. It simply means that you have made a decision not to look back. There are several people in my life; family and others, whom I have had to let go of and love from a distance in order to move forward. I do not love them any less. In fact, I have found that I am able to love and pray for them more earnestly. You see, when you are constantly around or in contact with those things and people, you are not able to see clearly. Your vision becomes blurred by the emotion of hurt. And it is that hurt that disables you from living life to the fullest. Are you ready to be “free to live”?
It is important to remember that you are not to pick the past back up after you have put it down. Does a person who has been delivered from drugs and wants to remain clean, go back into the drug house or frequent the places he/she knows those drugs to be readily available? No… The past may be what’s comfortable, but in order to see change, you must be willing to make change. Yes, change. Change can sometimes be uncomfortable at the moment, but you will still grow into it. If you’ve never tried prayer before, there is no better time than now to begin. Allow God to lead you and be willing to listen. He is after all the giver of a peace that surpasses all understanding, trust me I’ve experienced that indescribable peace first hand. I’m walking in it today. Now is your time! Allow the peace of God to give you freedom from your past and rest.
Tags: biblical freedom, hurt, Sexual abuse
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Posted on 18 January '12 by admin, under My Thoughts. No Comments.
It’s just about that time again; time to make our usual useless New Year’s resolutions. Whether it be to quit smoking, get a better job, lose weight, or finally dump that freeloading boyfriend/girlfriend. Every year we follow that same old tradition of making promises to ourselves that, let’s face it; most of us never follow through with.
Why do you think that is? Why is it that we are so determined to set ourselves up for failure? I don’t know how many times in the past I’ve made some foolish declaration out loud about what I was going to do over the course of the next twelve months. Only to find that in:
• Month three, no attempts toward reaching my goal.
• Month six, reaffirmation that we’re going to do it for sure.
• Month nine, we’re shaking our heads wondering how the year seem to be going by so quickly; trying to figure out how to accomplish the things that we had every intention on seeing to fruition when the year started; all the while convincing others that they still had time to make good on their New Year’s wish list.
• By the twelfth month; after the feelings of disappointment from not shedding a single pound, no new job, habits worse than smoking, and still waking up beside that same dead beat of a lover that you want so desperately to flee from; It’s time to decide never to make another New Year’s resolution.
Finally, revelation has come, here’s an epiphany just for you. You’ve been going about this all wrong. No one said that you had to make a promise or set goals for yourself that at the moment seemed unattainable, because you were caught up in the hype of the moment. There’s this Greek saying “Carpe Diem”; translated it simply means to seize the day. Point blank, instead of following tradition and talking about what you are going to do in 2012; follow these few simple steps and see where they lead you.
1. Live each day purposing in your mind to do at least one thing differently than “you” did the day before.
2. Find ways to make a better “you”.
3. Love freely; thereby making it easy for others to love “you” freely.
4. Make the decision that “you” are worth it.
5. Loosen up! It’s really not that serious.
Did “you” notice the common thread amongst those five easy steps for a happier New Year? They all focus on “you”.
If you’ve noticed that everything that you put your hand to; whether romance, work, or creating new friendships; seems to fail. Just like these steps the one common denominator is “you”. So, that would suggest that the best way to make a lasting change and to remain positive; is to work on ones- self. Because until we are happy with whom we are, we’ll never be able to make someone else happy.
And one more thing, stop tripping about what happened on yesterday. After all there’s nothing you can do about out it. That opportunity has already come and gone. Just like I said in Secret Survivor (Her-Story) “enough is enough already”. So, go ahead and “Carpe Diem”.
By, T.E Best
Tags: 2012, Happy New Year, Life, self-help
Posted in Articles, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Posted on 2 January '12 by admin, under Articles, Uncategorized. 1 Comment.
Early one Monday morning with coffee in hand, I walked into my bedroom to find my husband and youngest child sleeping peacefully. I quietly tipped toed over to the dresser to put my cup of java to rest before sliding into bed with them. My husband must have felt me climbing in because he opened his arm and as I settled into the crease of his shoulder a sense of peace washed over me. Before long; I had been lulled to sleep myself by the sound of the babies’ gentle snore and the warmth of my husband’s breath against my forehead. I do not know how long I slept. But when I awoke it was no longer peace that I felt. For it could have been the slate grey color that filled the room or the fact that I was now lying awake wishing that I was still asleep that caused the “TRIGGER”.
According to dictionary.com to trigger means to: activate, bring about, incite, initiate, cause, elicit, generate, give rise to, produce, prompt, provoke, set in motion, set off, spark, start, etc. etc. etc.
Now, as I was saying; for some reason waking up in the room, despite being under the protection of my husband; for a moment I went back to a time and a place where there was no protection to be found for me. I was nine years old again. I remembered how I would pretend to be asleep in hopes that my abuser would just leave me alone. Then, I flashed forward to the moment I realized that faking sleep just gave him more courage to perform his acts of violation upon me. So, why did I continue to do so? Here’s why, because pretending to be asleep was my way of disconnecting from the reality of what was happening. It was a coping mechanism. I had learned to put my mind to sleep, which is why I would have no recollection of time when the attack was over.
You may be wondering how long I stayed lodged within my trigger or how the trigger made me feel. Therefore, I’ll go ahead and tell you.
• Firstly, I had to remind myself that I am not that nine year old little girl anymore and that I am safe.
• Second, I remembered that the abuse was “NEVER MY FAULT”.
• Third, I did not allow myself to relive my past. You see, there’s a difference between reliving and remembering. Our past is our past and we can have a bright, peaceful and whole future.
• Fourth, and most importantly I began to pray. Conversation with my Heavenly Father always brings me to a place of peace.
I may not have been able to recollect time when I was a victim, but as a survivor I can tell you that from steps 1 to 4 there was just about a ten minute lapse. Sometimes triggers can be caused by the most unsuspecting things. You won’t always be able to keep yourself from a memory, but you can learn to remember and not relive. After I dealt with the emotions that I felt, I regained focus on what was right in front of me and returned to the warmth of my husband’s arms. I hope this helps…
Tags: provoke, secret survivor (her-story), survivor, T.E. Best, trigger
Posted in My Thoughts | 1 Comment »
Posted on 18 October '11 by admin, under My Thoughts. 1 Comment.
Several months ago I went to speak to the girls at the Macon YDC. Although it broke my heart to see such beautiful and bright young ladies there, I was honored to be able to talk with them. Some were there by choice, while others were there because of their circumstances; yet they all had one thing in common. They all wanted better for themselves than what they had and what they had become accustom to. If I were to be completely honest, I’d have to admit though that at certain points I wasn’t sure if the girls could really hear my heart. But, one day I happened to be going through the drive thru at a certain fast food restaurant, when I heard a voice say, “I know you”! And this young lady began to tell me that she was one of the girls that I had gone to speak to at the Macon YDC. The smile on her face spoke louder than any words could. And in that moment, I remembered why transparency is so important. Sometimes you may not want to share your testimony or you may feel like you story is not valid, but in those times you have to remember that we are indeed our sister/brother’s keeper. You’ll never know whose life you’re able to strengthen unless you try. Often times, the best gift that you can give is you.
Tags: fast food, love, macon ydc, share, testimony
Posted in Events | 1 Comment »
Posted on 3 August '11 by admin, under Events. 1 Comment.
I just want to send a shout out to Mr. Munoz’s class for allowing me to come speak with them. I heard some great reports. Keep up the good work guys. There’s so much to discuss when talking about sexual abuse and it’s adverse affects on the victim and society at large; I wish that I had more time with you. If ever you have questions please feel free to contact me at info@authortebest.com
Tags: gardner webb, speaking
Posted in Events | No Comments »
Posted on 14 November '09 by admin, under Events. No Comments.
My Mission is to help others who have been victimized by sexual abuse; elevate from Victim to SURVIVOR by openly sharing my testimony of healing. I realize that we are living in a world with real issues, but the GOOD NEWS is that we can be "in this world, but not of this world." Let's take this journey to freedom together. 
